Thursday, December 20, 2007

Fuck you.

I sent this to AST. I hope liked it.

Guy taking a shit kills his wife by knocking her in the head with the stupid door -
by
Guts On Parade

It was one of those shits you wish you could take a picture of and send to your friends. Born of coffee and beer and cigarettes and chicken wings and the croissant you had at 11 and the chili you had last night, it was perfect. I took a drag off the one-hitter and leaned back.
WHAM! The door flies open BAM right in the fucking forehead. Fucking drunk bitch. I kick the door closed. I hear her hit the wall. Doh... Just a sound. A small sound. A sound like she'd fallen. Like a body hitting a wall. And then a sigh.
Fucking bitch. We'd been out drinking. Together, then apart, then together again. It'd been okay until the cab ride home. We got a little belligerent. It wasn't that bad, really. I thought she'd just go to sleep. That's when BAM she hit me with the fucking door. Ow. I kicked back. I was taking a shit for God's sake and I was really stoned. That’s what they don’t really get. I wasn’t even mad at her. I was pretty much over it. I just wanted her to be quiet and go to sleep.
She fell. She sighed. It was the most convincing sound I’ve ever heard. It was like, “I’m done with this, man” I expected her to come up off that floor, really hacked off, and then she’d yell at me for not helping her and I’d be stoned...
I laughed when I heard her sigh. It was the sound that everything’s okay. I wiped my ass. And washed my hands.

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