Friday, February 09, 2007

NOW!


Chalk another one up for the Gender Equality Movement. Make that two. First, Jennifer Parcells got her 20-year-old ass zapped in the 'Raq, becoming yet another in a growing list of American female KIAs. (AGAIN proving that women do have what it takes to serve in combat. Their bodies absorb bullets and shrapnel just like those of their male counterparts!) Second, Anna Nicole died. Yay! (Dead pornstars can't undermine The Movement if they've choked to death on their own puke. Let this be a lesson to money-grubbing, pill-popping, self-hating whores everywhere...)

Will Bunch wants to know why we'll only hear about one of the above deaths on the news. I want to know why we'll never hear about any of these deaths on the news. I mean, I dig the novelty aspect of it (you know, she was a woman) and yeah, she was probably real brave and an American hero or whatever when she was catching all that lead, but, seriously, where's the fucking love for ALL the dead grunts?

I'm all for women in combat but maybe they should start marketing death to little girls like they do to little boys. You know, Combat Barbie in her Sport Up-Armored Humvee and FOB Dreamhouse. Soccer in combat boots. Pink toy guns. That's the road to real equality.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Hating the Troops


What the fuck is wrong with people? I found this quite by accident and, man, are there some dumb sonsabitches running around this country. Okay, granted, William Arkin is a douchebag. When you say some dumb shit like, "So, we pay the soldiers a decent wage, take care of their families, provide them with housing and medical care and vast social support systems and ship obscene amenities into the war zone for them...", you're obviously a douche and you've never frozen your ass off in the middle of nowhere because the powers that be sent you five thousand pairs of socks instead of one parka or tried to convince some pissed-off underpaid VA nurse to let you in the hospital before you go cyclical in the town square. Eat the apple, fuck the Corps, Arkin. You're a douchebag. (Even though I do think his point re: how some of these soldiers need to quit being such whiny pussies about why they're not getting enough emotional support from the American people is a valid one. Seriously, shut the fuck up and watch your goddam sector). HOWEVER...

It's not what Arkin said that I really give a shit about, it's what transpired AFTER Arkin published his post that boggles my mind. The outpouring of redneck sentiment on how Arkin should be strung from his testicles for daring to speak his mind questioning the HOLINESS of our troops or the SANCTITY of the grunt's retard opinion on what's happening on the home front. Give me a break. I know grunts. When they're not waging war, they're sending tearful fucking e-mails back home to Mary Jane, jerking off, shooting dogs, or lighting their own farts. They're idiots. That's why they joined the Motherfucker in the first place. Patriotism, king and country, blah blah blah. Why did you join the military? Number one answer on the board: I WANT TO BLOW SHIT UP AND SHOOT HAJ. For sure, I love the dumb fuckers but, come on, nobody's gonna give Spec 4 Retard a Fulbright anytime soon. The poor bastards in the National Guard and Reserves are a different breed, I guess - they're older and wiser retards with real lives and such, I don't know. Debating the various scholarly qualifications of our nation's armed forces is not why I'm here. I'm here to gut the stupid assholes who like to call people fag and commie because they don't agree with the way shit has gone down, and to make it sound like everyone who wants to know WHAT THE FUCK is really a raghead sui-bomber with FREEDOM in the crosshairs. "The LIBERAL MEDIA is losing the war..." "When you question our policies, you embolden the terrorists..." What??? Shut the fuck up.

You know what emboldens terrorists? NOT HAVING ANY FUCKING ELECTRICITY. Stupid dipshits who can't keep their Kodak in their pocket when they're torturing people at Abu Ghraib. Rage-crazy PFC's who are so fucked up about their dead bros they go out and rape a 15-year-old girl after shooting her whole family. Trash not getting picked up for four years. Hospitals having to use Kleenex because they don't have any bandages. I mean, the idea that a bunch of fucking vegans holding Free Mumia posters and dancing in front of the National Mall somehow caused the giant shitstorm that is The Sandbox right now is absolutely retarded. Even with Arkin and the rest of the Liberal Media Establishment and the Democrats and Penn/Sarandon/Robbins et al behind them, in no way were these doofus hippies responsible for the lack of military planning, foresight, and plain goddam common sense that preceded this current clusterfuck. You wanna know what emboldens terrorists? Bush, Cheney, and the Joint Fucking Chiefs. Those are some terrorist-emboldening motherfuckers. Shit, you can show Ali Al-Qaeda an entire PowerPoint presentation of CodePink locked in an orgy with the ANSWER coalition and you won't get nearly the emboldenment than if you show him one smiling pic of W. That dude emboldens terrorists without even trying. If he really gave a shit about not emboldening terrorists, he'd do a sui-bomber number himself and take the whole White House with him.

Again, I digress. The point here is the yellow-ribboners and flag-wavers and plain dumb motherfuckers who think the world would be a better place if we all just fell into line and followed W off the cliff should really do some soul-searching before they start accusing people of not supporting the troops. I support the shit out of the troops. Do I think they're all up for sainthood? No. Do I think they're getting screwed? For sure. Do I feel sorry for them becaue they're stuck in some shithole halfway around the world because the HNIC is an idiot? Not really. After all, they signed on the dotted line. And there's always college to look forward to. No, I support the troops because why the hell wouldn't I? I don't want them to die or get blown up or see some shit that will fry their minds for all time. But I feel the best way for me to do my part to get them the fuck out of harm's way is to raise a clamor and demand accountability and, I don't know, A FUCKING PLAN from the powers that be. And I think accusing some d.b. WaPo blogger of hating the troops just because he wants G.I. Joe to show us civvies some respec' is on its face a lame-ass pussy thing to do. The real troop haters are out there but I guess it's easier to point fingers than dig for answers. So, for all of you who think that challenging your leaders is a sign of latent terroristic tendencies, let me just leave you with these final thoughts:

Here in America we are descended in blood and in spirit from revolutionists and rebels - men and women who dare to dissent from accepted doctrine. As their heirs, may we never confuse honest dissent with disloyal subversion. - Dwight D. Eisenhower

Naturally, the common people don't want war ... but after all it is the leaders of a country who determine the policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in every country. - Hermann Goering

Bitches.